CHILDISH

every year, i wish to be felt super special on my birthday. but this year, around 31july that period, i started to give up hopes and wishes on my birthday. sounds so sad right. but sometimes it's the disappointments in the past years that led to my no-expectation birthday. so tired of wishing and wishing for things that'll never happen. this year's pre-birthday wish is to get mathematically nineteen birthday candles. it's really a simple wish to fulfil on one's birthday. i wonder if it'll be fulfilled.


and childishly, i still wish for a surprise party. haha it really sounds childish but i really want that. since young, for as long as i can remember, i always want to feel as if i'm the most impt person on my birthday. haha it's not possible this birthday anymore. and weirdly, this year it's me going around asking if ppl are free to celebrate my birthday. haha okay i'm not sooo loner okay but i know they remember and they'll want to celebrate my birthday with me that's why i'll ask them out. i'll actually go "hey i'm free on 0x0808 you free? let's go out" smth like that. haha oops actually not true. they'll start it first. they'll say "your birthday coming alr hor? when are you free?" and i cant give them a definite answer. and when i got an answer to that question, i'll ask if they're free.

i really think birthdays are really really impt. it really tells who are truely your friends and who are not. how impt you are in the person's heart, how special you are to that person etc etc. it tells alot about who cares and who dont. it can even tell whether who's memory is good and who like you too. like i've got friends from the past who'll msg me on my birthday yet we are not really close and they're actually more of acquitance rather than friends to me. each time i'll tell myself to remember their birthdays too but i'll somehow forget bout their birthdays. not that i dislike them, but it simply shows that the presence of the person is not very impt. haha smth like they like me but i cant return their feelings. it happens to me too. like i like this person alot for no reason however i'm just a little ornament in their life that doesnt really stand out to them. aye it doesnt really matter to me too. cos there's no deep friendship between us. just simply a one sided. hahaha and i'm not talking bout any guy. there's this girl i found her really cute and i really like her alot but so far i dont think she has wished me happy birthday for the past 2 years. she's the only example i can think of so far. the more i think the more guilty i feel. cos there're quite a handful of ppl who'll remember my birthday yet i dont remember theirs Xd

there's once my friends they argued and they brought up the topic of birthday. one said that we're only meeting up for birthday celebrations. but i think that's enough. i wont mind giong more meetings and gatherings but birthdays really have the represents the most significance among friends. same goes to couples and their anniversaries. valentine's day is the can celebrate can dont celebrate kind of day.

i'm not hoping for a surprise this year. i just want nineteen lighted candles. i dont know why i'm so silly but really blowing out candles is exciting.

haha okay i sound so stupid. why i make birthdays sound like they're very big things? everyday also got someone's birthday leh. also not only yihui got birthday.



but i still think birthdays are super impt to me.